Something that I'm sure anyone can related to, but especially mamas. Is the constant comments on our skin && overall appearance.
I was in class on Tuesday && had the entire class push out comments about how I looked AT 9 IN THE MORNING. It started with "Chels, you look really tired." Then another person chimed in "Yeah Chelsea, are you feeling okay?" && another "You look really pale, are you sick?" Thank you for the 20 questions but aren't you here to learn about criminology && not about my overall well being. You can't catch what I have, Y'all especially through zoom class.
There are many key points here my friends. (specific to me)
First: I AM JUST FUCKING PALE, It is literally my skin tone.
Second: I am a mom of two small children who have not let me get more than four hours of sleep in the past 3 days.... or since I have had them for that matter... Also my husband snores like a bear.
Third: My hair is disheveled because I am growing it out, I can not tame that so leave me be.
Fourth: I am drinking a coffee out of a mug that states I am a mom && wearing a shirt that literally says I worship caffeine. It fuels me since sleep is no longer an option.
Fifth: I made it to class on time, That's a feat in itself.
Also, when a bunch of people are asking you why you look so awful, it does not make a person feel so good. I felt like shit this morning I've been super stressed out, Recently a member of my family tested positive for covid (which I am so nervous for him since he is a little guy.), So naturally we (The Merrill Clan, which is what the nurse at the covid tent referred to us as) went && got tested. Then because of this we had to cancel all of our upcoming events until we know for sure that we do not have the virus. Do you know how hard it is to tell your toddler that all the fun parties for Christmas are cancelled? Please imagine my little Wyatt reacting to "We cant see anyone for Christmas" nicely then throw that entire day dream on fire && add demonic screaming. Also next week is the start of finals for me, College is hard enough without everyone telling me how sick I look, but now I have to run on fumes && pray that I make it to my destination of next semester.
I guess the big take away from this little vent session is
Please be nice to people! Appearances are not everything, they are just the surface to a huge iceberg under the water && comments that are not helpful are the titanic crashing into us.
If you want to show concern for a mama who looks sick of tired here's some things you can ask:
1) Instead of "Are you feeling okay?" Say "How's everything going?" Taking an interest in the things that our stressing us out it more helpful then just asking how we are feeling because as moms we are most likely going to lie and say "I am fine" when in all reality we are not "Fine"
2) Next ask us "Have you been taking time for yourself?, OR "Have you had a break lately?" in place of "You look pale, are you sick?" Most of us do not have time to take care of our skin let alone go tanning, && during the winter you get pale. Ask us what we would do if we could take a break && if you're actually concerned enough go ahead && plan it out for us. Sometimes moms need to be cared for too, we literally spend all of our time worried about our families && not nearly enough time worrying about ourselves.
3) Lastly, do NOT be afraid to ask us if we need help. Most of the moms I know will not voluntarily say "I need help/I need a break for myself" I AM ONE OF THEM. It's hard for us moms to step back && assess how we are actually doing. Sometimes we relay on the friends && family who are there for us to say "Hey, you're running on Empty lets go do something." Or "You need to take a break". Normally we see this from our family A LOT when our babies are first born with the offers to watch the baby so you can sleep or get things done around the house but it fades off within the first year. It is always nice when someone else takes care of us just by hanging out, or taking us away from ALL the chaos we see everyday.
If you are the support system for a mama who is clearly struggling I DARE YOU, to do just one of these things && see how drastically their mood changes. You may very well make their day just by being concerned && Present.
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